NEW CRYPTID SIGHTINGS! WATCH OUT FOR THESE CREATURES!

by Xander Mroczek

Illustration by Emery Aikin

Littlefoot - Appalachian Mountains

That's right, it has been confirmed that Littlefoot, brother of Bigfoot, has been seen wandering the Appalachian Mountains. However, unlike his brother, Littlefoot is much less camera shy and has actually been collaborating with Vogue to release a photoshoot and feature article soon.

Screechlings - Amazon Rainforest

EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! The Screechlings are small in size, but hunt in large packs, so they can corner a victim from all sides. After trapping someone, they force them to listen to their slowed down + reverb remixes of various 2010s Billboard songs for hours on end. Victims of the Screechlings have been known to completely rip off their ears after only 15 minutes.

Falsethaw - Wherever It’s Cold

If it is -7 degrees outside and you see someone walking around in shorts and a t-shirt, DO NOT APPROACH THEM! That is most likely a Falsethaw. When a Falsethaw is asked any question about how they are not freezing to death, they will reply with “it's not even that cold bro.” Then the Falsethaw will start viciously beating you up. 

Giant Frog That Eats People - Everglades

Pretty self explanatory I think.

Wear-Wolf - Redwood National Park

We have received multiple reports of a wolf 3 times the size of a normal wolf wandering the woods of Redwood National Park. At first, we thought this creature would be hostile without a doubt, but we soon realized that the Wear-Wolf's only objective is to steal your clothes, visit your grandmother, take her out to brunch, and join her water aerobics class. 

Benjamin Prater - Evanston, Illinois

This one's not actually a cryptid but this guy's from my hometown and I just don't really like him so this entry is kind of like a grudge thing. Just steer clear of him; he's kind of an asshole sometimes. He's a slow walker also.

The Gaslite - ???

This one doesn't exist. I don't know what you're talking about. You're crazy.

Scary Demon With 6 Rows Of Teeth, 4 Arms, Super Strength, And A Craving For Human Flesh - Right Behind You

Don't turn around.