1 Hundred Trillion First Year Fuckups
by Nim Dimple, OC ‘29
First year has been a difficult time. In one of the most significant transitory periods in my life thus far, I’ve been faced with hope and fear for new social experiences, intense pressure and derealization, and the crushing load of laundry.
“Gee, Nim,” I hear you say, lines of empathy and sorrow creased around your eyes, “I’ve been feeling that way too.”
You almost move to say something else, but I know what you want. I can already see the faint cruel edge your expression has taken on in the reflection of the opposing illustration. I spy a glimmer of inner darkness. You’re twisted. You want to see blood. Blood in the form of a collection of relatable but definitely worse-than-yours mistakes you can laugh at while feeling fine. Well, here you go. Fuck you. One hundred trillion.
You recognize someone you talked to on Instagram so you yell across the street “Hey! I know you from Instagram.” You did not know them from Instagram.
Getting sick and using all of your flex money on Decafe cold medicine.
Announcing yourself loudly as a 6.5 on the Kinsey scale at a party because you thought it was “out of 10 and backwards.”
Publicly admitting to being on YikYak.
Missing the Sun Ra screening in Wilder Bowl and now you have no fucking idea what “isotope radiation” is supposed to mean.
Waving to your PAL leader at a function.
“Short” Friday afternoon nap before Jane Remover concert.
Laughing too loud at The Oberlin Film Society’s Premier Showing of Metropolis.
Being late by an hour on the same assignment, twice.
Not dropping LEAD 050.
Showing up to a party half an hour after the scheduled time and nobody's there.
Dropping LEAD 050.
Daring to ask the professor what “bucolic” means in a class full of people who also don’t know what it means.
Emailing AARC to ask if you can add LEAD 050 back after the deadline.
And finally,
Realizing too late, as tepid Barrows water turns to freezing, that you forgot your towel in your room.
“Nim,” you say, drunk on sadistic, dripping power, “that was an awfully short one hundred trillion.”
