Monumentally Oberlin: New Look, Same Quirks
by Leo Rainey, Contributor
Illustration by Pilot Roberts, Layout Editor
Coming back to campus, I noticed many new changes: updated signage, renovations to Wilder, and an all-chicken Rat Menu, to name a few. The debate over Oberlin’s makeover has gripped the student body, so I’d like to take a moment to shine a spotlight on all of the college’s beloved facets that have remained, and will remain, forever unchanged.
The Wilder Stench: for the First-Years among us who have recently passed through Wilder’s doors and wondered “what is that intense smell?” Don’t worry, it’s permanent! That unfamiliar odor is both undefinable and undeniable, but it unites all of campus by burning our nose hairs off indiscriminately. It changes slightly based on the season, the floor, and what people are having for lunch, but Oberlin, the best is yet to come: it’s particularly potent after rain and snow!
Dorm Bats: Who doesn’t love a furry friend? After all, with stringent pet policies and Ohio’s lack of diverse fauna, students need an animal pick-me-up at the end of the day. Often found in ventilation systems and bathrooms, these might-be-draculas provide a constant reminder that a rabies shot is just one call to student health away!
Shower Flies: They’re in there to get clean too, ok?? Just as you might be incensed by constant buzzing during your shower-turned-swatting session, just know that with the lack of available fresh fruit on campus, these little guys have to find somewhere to call home! They also make a great treat for the bats, who are also watching you rinse.
Fire Alarms: Better safe than sorry! While other schools have alarm systems that only concern themselves with “actual fires” or monthly drills, rest easy knowing that at Oberlin, we treat safety as priority number one. If there is even ONE crisp piece of bacon in a microwave two houses down the street, your dorm’s fire safety system will be engaged and ready. Who knows what could be a threat? Your friend’s vape? Your shower steam? A light breeze?? Everytime you roll your eyes at 4:00 AM while plugging your ears and marching into the freezing outdoors, just remember: crisis averted.
OKTA Verify: Did you just sign into your MacBook near Oberlin, Ohio, USA? Did you just sign into your MacBook near Oberlin, Ohio, USA? Did you just sign into your MacBook near Oberlin, Ohio, USA? Did you just sign into your MacBook near Oberlin, Ohio, USA? Authenticate: text, call, or push alert?
With so many longstanding quirks and traditions, it’s hard not to fall in love with Oberlin each time someone hits you with their bike or steals your Azzie’s order. You wanted to print your class readings at the library? How quaint! Still, as this school constantly replaces and revamps, we must remind ourselves of our beloved (and broken) roots.
