Dr. Gags
Illustration by Hero Duenyas, Contributor
Dear Dr. Gags,
Last week I got a vibrator stuck in my anus and it is quite uncomfortable. It wouldn’t even be so bad, I could live with the discomfort, if it weren’t affecting the people around me. You see, every time I sit down in class, it pushes the vibrate button and my chair and desk start shaking…the other day it shook so hard that the coffee fell off of my weak little cuck desk and onto the floor and I had to wait an hour for a new one from Azzies. How do I get this vibrator out?? And do you think people think I’m weird? Help!
Pleadingly,
Spatt Ershart
Darling Spatt,
I’m so sorry this is happening to you! Something similar happened to me once when I was cleaning my neighbor’s pool. I had a remote controlled vibrator on my G-spot, and when I got into the water it electrocuted me as well as a few water skimmers. Lemme tell ya, that cleared the vermin outta the pool in no time! But I did have to have reconstructive clit surgery, which was hard. I liked my old clit. My new one still works but it’s a cyborg android piece of shit so it does glitch occasionally. I hope you find some solace kiddo! And don’t worry, no one thinks yer weird, they’re just jealous!
XOXO,
Gagatha
Hi Dr. Gags,
As you probably know, it was Easter a few days ago. Well, I tried to surprise my co-op by dressing up as a giant fluffy easter bunny because I thought it would be cute. But when I walked into meal, one person started screaming, and then within five seconds everyone was screaming, and then two big buff butches grabbed me by the arms and wrestled me out the door. To my horror, I was not able to take the suit off when I got back to my dorm, and my girlfriend was sitting on the bed doing homework. To make matters worse, she’s ovulating, and has now decided that my bunny suit is the hottest thing ever. Help me gags! I feel like she doesn’t even value me as a man anymore, all we do is fuck like bunnies! What should I do?
Best,
Anonymous Tank Dlec
Sweetness,
What exactly is the problem here? Are you mentally slow? You have a hot girlfriend who wants to bounce on yer bunny balls…constantly….LET HER! As long as you enjoy it too, of course, but I assume that sex in the bunny costume is great, like a giant squishy hug inside and out. AWWWW! So cute and fluffy. And make sure to eat her easter eggs! (ovulation joke, ha.) But in the long run, ya might want to get someone to cut you out of the bunny costume, for health hazard reasons. Have fun while it lasts you chubby little fluffer! Awwwww!
Squirtingly,
Gaggi
