Dr. Gags
Dear Dr. Gags
So I was involved in my first gay threesome this weekend. This event should have been the highlight of my entire college experience… guy one was sexy as fuck and had literal washboard abs, and guy two was taller than both of us and had this juicy little tush. AND, they both wanted ME. I was the center of attention! It was heavenly for a while. Guy two was fucking me while the other one sucked me off from underneath. But then I hit guy two’s poppers, just to try it, because I’d been a popper virgin before this… And then. And THEN. a shart tumbled out of me. onto guy two’s dick. and then. it dribbled down into guy one’s mouth. Oh my GOD. Obviously I ran away ASAP, but I left my favorite shirt in guy one’s room, so please Gagatha tell me how I can get it back without ever having to face him again?????
Thx,
Neville Gongbottom
Hello darling Neville,
Ya know, some people would have asked for a little warning before reading that! Wow! That is going to be seared into someone’s brain for a while! Not me though. I’ve heard and seen worse, trust me on that. HA! Everyone’s sharted during sex, it’s no biggie. I personally do it all the time, its natural– all that movement gets yer bowels movin too. But I’ve found that most people aren’t really too into it…so here’s what yer gonna do ta get ur shart back. Oops, I mean shirt! Heehee. Okay. Wait until he leaves his room. Then, take a measuring tape and stick it under the door. Really root around with it until his roommate comes to open the door with a confused expression. Then tell him you are here to fix the plumbing. Bang around in a corner for two minutes, grab the shirt, and RUN.
Yerrrrr welcome!
Big crusty kisses,
Gags
Dear Dr. Gags,
I am very worried. A ladybug crawled into my vag the other day and I didn’t realize until I felt a tickling sensation in my uterus. Do you think this is a health risk? At first it was somewhat annoying, until I realized that everything in my life started going my way. My crush asked me out, I got a great grade on an essay, my best friend broke up with her annoying boyfriend, my car isn’t breaking down every ten minutes….I think the ladybug in my uterus might be implementing good luck in my life?? Is this possible? I would like to keep her in there, so I’m asking you for your medical opinion: do you think it would be bad for my health to do so? Also, would it be safe for me and/or the ladybug if I have sex with my crush soon?
Pls lmk!
Ana L.
Awww Ana!
I haven’t seen your name in my inbox for a while! How the hell are ya sweetie? Come to my office some time and we’ll have a little catchup over some tea and meatloaf. But anyways, as to your letter. No, I don’t think it’s harmful to have a ladybug up there, and it definitely isn’t harmful during sex. In fact, it may even be more pleasurable! Little lady can keep her legs on yer G-spot while having a little inter-uterine voyeur action. Whooohoo! Who doesn’t dream of that? Anyways, I think the question you should be asking is a little more long term– what are you gonna do when ladybug gets hungry? What about when she inevitably dies from suffocation? I think you gotta help her out. After you have sex, stick a tiny little ladder up ur vag. Or even a string. This will help lady find her way out, and then you can set her free so that she can be a perv in someone else’s vag. Everything is cyclical my dear, and this is the way it is! Help a lady out.
Love and buttercups,
Gagatha
